Kids Do The Darndest Things

As an adult, being told you’re a child is some pretty fucked up shit. I suppose if you want to be an adult about the whole thing you can observe the situation from an overhead perspective and determine whether or not your behavior merits modification. This isn’t that though. This is a story about passive-aggressive […]

At Long Last

There are a ton of absurdities currently taking place in our world. I’m sure you’re aware, I just want to drive the point the home.    I think it’s obvious that the most pressing topic that needs addressing is, of course, Kayne West. Sure, I’ve heard of the unmarked vehicles in Portland hauling off tear-gassed […]


I have great intentions. Really, I do. When it comes to writing, I have the best intentions. It just rarely works out. So that’s we’re at. I’ve already written this piece today believe it or not. It was better the first time. I inadvertently hit something on the keyboard and lost my fucking work. On […]

Not Now, Berniece

Where my politically correct, coexist, compassionate, tree-huggin’ friends at? Great! So glad you could make it. Kindly go back to your rock polishers and home brewing kits now. I’ve been a long time gone and it’s time to get down to business. That’s right, fuck – right – off. People are giant pieces of shit. […]

Shower Thoughts

In the shower, my head as far between my legs as I could contort, struggling to locate the ingrown hair I’d found while washing, I thought: This is it. This is how I die. But if I can get rid of this ingrown hair, will being found naked by paramedics and firefighters in the fetal […]

Urban Anti-Dotes

I’ve been teetering on the edge of real jail time for a few weeks. Wednesday all hell broke loose in our house. Let me tell you about it. It’s only fair that I start off by giving you a good sense for where I was at with my mental stability. I’m currently managing 3 companies. […]

I’ll Kick Your Dog

Yesterday’s trip to the dog park taught me that I, too, have limitations. Some may say that mine require some reining in. I am well within reasonable parameters. Keep your shit in check and I won’t have to check it for you. Almost a month ago (the best month of my grown-up life) my husband […]

If I Could Say A Few Words

That giant waterbed you owned was my favorite place. Barely able to peer over its massive frame, I always required a lift to climb in. I felt tiny in its warm folds. Snuggled in, I imagined us on some great adventure. Sailing seas, the two of us. Falling asleep beside you to the sounds of […]

The Liar Apocalypse

and batteries for all! When I was 8, my dad told me that we’d go to the snow. He said we’d leave at some god-awful hour of the morning to hit the slopes early enough to get in plenty of ski time in. I was ecstatic. To date, I have never skied. When I was […]