Who’s That Girl?

How do I begin to recount the events of the last year and a half of my life? How do I pique interest in you, the reader? I peeked at a thesaurus for words that would accurately convey my defeat and simultaneously make me sound smart. Shitstorm. Bear fight in a filthy McDonalds bathroom stall. […]

Sunday Salon

Every few weeks I allow for some self-imposed self-care. I have a hard time accepting that I’m worthy of nice things, small luxuries. Even more difficult for me, paying for services that are intended to relax me, riddles me with crippling anxiety. Can we afford this? Could this money be better spent elsewhere? What if […]

Not An Admission Of Guilt

Chronologically I’m 41. Biologically, I feel 53. I should feel better than this. I take care of myself. I run daily, I eat well, and get decent rest. Ok, that last part is bullshit, but I do run and eat well. In terms of maturity, I’m 7. Allow for me to provide evidence. I have […]

A Year in the Rant

So, you still have hair and at least three friends at this point in the pandemic. Aren’t you fucking special? You probably got some time off from work, didn’t you? What, was it a week? Two? Oh…you got more than that? You must have some sort of “special” job. Like some fancy job, huh? I […]

Kids Do The Darndest Things

As an adult, being told you’re a child is some pretty fucked up shit. I suppose if you want to be an adult about the whole thing you can observe the situation from an overhead perspective and determine whether or not your behavior merits modification. This isn’t that though. This is a story about passive-aggressive […]

At Long Last

There are a ton of absurdities currently taking place in our world. I’m sure you’re aware, I just want to drive the point the home.    I think it’s obvious that the most pressing topic that needs addressing is, of course, Kayne West. Sure, I’ve heard of the unmarked vehicles in Portland hauling off tear-gassed […]


I have great intentions. Really, I do. When it comes to writing, I have the best intentions. It just rarely works out. So that’s we’re at. I’ve already written this piece today believe it or not. It was better the first time. I inadvertently hit something on the keyboard and lost my fucking work. On […]

Not Now, Berniece

Where my politically correct, coexist, compassionate, tree-huggin’ friends at? Great! So glad you could make it. Kindly go back to your rock polishers and home brewing kits now. I’ve been a long time gone and it’s time to get down to business. That’s right, fuck – right – off. People are giant pieces of shit. […]

Shower Thoughts

In the shower, my head as far between my legs as I could contort, struggling to locate the ingrown hair I’d found while washing, I thought: This is it. This is how I die. But if I can get rid of this ingrown hair, will being found naked by paramedics and firefighters in the fetal […]