Romanticizing Revenge

I wasn’t born a bitch. At least, I don’t think that’s how it happened. I had an unremarkable childhood. Two alcoholic parents, a dog that hated me, a cat with one functioning eye, and 60 extra lbs. that I carried until was 17 and developed a handy eating disorder. Totally normal. I knew I was […]

2nd Best Parental Celebration Day

Our vaginas will never be the same, but sure, you can have an entire day, too. No matter how I slice this turd cake, someone is gonna get pissed. With any luck, I’ll offend both sides equally. Dad, before I begin, I just want you to know that I love you. And, that I’ll probably […]

Doing Life Wrong

Manufactured situational disrespect, a smattering of fashion tourettes, & sprinklings of “are you fucking serious?” I never wake up thinking, I’m totally winning at life! Quite the contrary, in fact. Most days, I pray I stumble through without doing irreparable damage to myself, my son (too late), or my car. The Lobster is already hip […]

The New Journey Begins

Thanks for joining me! I finally gave up on Blogspot. Fuck that shitshow! For the better part of 6 months friends and family have been telling me that they haven’t been able to post comments on my blog without first submitting to a brief physical exam and submitting DNA for verification. Listen, I don’t much […]